Wednesday, January 7, 2015

My Eating Disorder

My battle with food is a battle I will fight for the rest of my life. I know this. I hate this. But I can win at this.

I traded one eating disorder for another it seems. I went from overeating and eating my feelings, to obsessing over calories. MyFitnessPal helped me to lose weight. But I realize just how much calorie counting has consumed my life. So I am deleting MFP. I refuse to fall victim to a life of calorie obsessing.  These questions have plagued me daily for several years now:

What my intake should be?
How much did I burn?
Does it fit my macros?
Should I eat back my burned calories?
What is the calories in this bite?
Will I have enough for a small dessert?
Will this blow my daily sugar/salt/fat?

It is an endless bombardment of obsession over calories! I am done!
I don't want food to run the rest of my life. I want to enjoy food without fear. But also respect my body to only give it what it needs, with the occasional treat on the side.

I have decided I am going to follow the food pyramid. Keep track of my servings not the calories. Make sure that I get my 2 cups of health dairy and my daily dose of healthy fats. Cut out as much refined sugar and starch as possible without completely denying myself anything.  Have a half a plate of veggies,  and  a quarter lean protein and a quarter starch. 
I have been at this for two days now. It's hard. I still flip every package over and look at the calorie content.  I know it will take time.

But I know this will be good for me.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Cookie Party Blues

My Grandmother In Law invited me to a cookie party this weekend in lieu of the approaching holiday. The rules to attend are that you have to bake and bring three dozen homemade cookies.  And in return you will leave with three dozen of everyone else's cookies.

Why me?

Why why why why?

I love my sweets, and I have done so well to avoid them.

I have found a couple of healthier cookie options and I'm going to test them out today and tomorrow. If they turn out okay I will definitely share.

The kids and I getting sick this week was almost a blessing in disguise. I haven't had much of an appetite and I will be able to enjoy a few treats without destroying all my progress these past two weeks. 

That progress would be a five pound loss! Whoop!

Happy Thursday y'all!

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Fell Off The Wagon & Hit My Head

Oh boy. I fell off the wagon. And I fell hard. Think I may have hit my head on the wheel on the way down. Because it has been at least a month since I worked out. And my is bad.

I forgot how much it sucks to look in the mirror and be disgusted with myself. I haven't been in this mental state of self loathing in a long time. I know I have been unhappy with my weight for a while, but last night as I rested my hands on my gut...I knew it was time to get my ass in gear and do something about it.

Do something to make myself feel good about me.

My husband tells me I'm beautiful. Barely keeps his hands to himself, and I could never love him enough for it. But I am so unhappy with my appearance and I know he pays for it. It is time to stop feeling sorry about myself.

It is time to lose these 53 pounds. 
It is time to gain my self respect back.
It is time to love myself again.
It is time to be a role model for my daughter.
It is time for change.

I am disgusting. 

And that is the last time I will feel that way or say that about myself again.

Monday, October 13, 2014

To The Stay At Home Mom Griping About Stay At Home Moms

I love being a stay at home mom. Let's start with that.

I love caring for and chasing my two toddlers all day, and caring for and loving my hard working man when he gets home, but that doesn't mean I can't yell to the high heavens or moan and groan all day if I want about the responsibilities I have as a stay at home mom (SAHM).

I read a blog post yesterday from a SAHM who pretty much told all other SAHM to shove it and she was tired of reading about all the "jobs" we partake in and chores we don't get done. Well I'm telling her to go eat some dirt!

We have one of the most difficult jobs in the world. And I'm not talking about cleaning house, being a chauffeur or wiping butts. I'm talking about taking the minds and hearts of little people and helping mold them so that they will be productive beings one day that contribute to society instead of making it worse. 

We have to love them unconditionally even when they have drug every egg out of the carton and smashed it on the floor and mixed it with some corn starch. We have to educate them in manners. Teach them that laughing at a fart is okay at home, but not so much at a restaurant. We have to teach them that laying in the floor at Wal-Mart while screaming their heads off over barbie or cookies not only embarrasses us to no end, but comes with consequences. We have to clean poop off the floor, toilet,  bathroom rug, wall, and child when they have had an accident and try to cover it up. We have to brave opening and washing the baby bottle that rolled under the seat in the car over a month ago. We have to crawl out of bed at all hours to battle the boogy man, or feed a hungry little monster.  We have to try and read the electric bill that has been scribbled all over by a two year old. We have to help them learn to tie their shoes, go to the bathroom, count, read, write, clean their rooms, speak, color, and all of the other milestones that come with every child. But most importantly we have to be there for them around the clock, never for a minute putting ourselves first. Being at SAHM is the most rewarding and difficult job in the world. That is why we are a rare breed.

That in itself is a full time job. I work that job every day from 8:30 am to 8:00 pm. That is a twelve hour day times two.

Now let's take into account the meals I have to prepare, the laundry I have to sort, wash, dry, fold and put away, the countless times I pick up toys, vacuuming, dusting, sweeping, changing diapers, changing clothes, baths, scrubbing, dishes, bed changes, trips out to play in the yard, walks around the neighborhood, letting dogs in and out, chasing them down when the kids leave the gate open, running the trash to the dump, mowing the yard, doing household repairs, running to doctors appointments, to the grocery store...let's just say there are not enough hours in my day. And 10% of the time I am lucky to brush my hair and take a shower.

So yeah, if I want to bitch about the fact that I haven't worn a shirt without kid spills on it or that I haven't had a hair cut in 6 months then I believe I am entitled to do so. I work my ass off day in and day out to ensure that my family is taken very well care of. If my only outlet is a rant on my blog or to post a SAHM  meme on Facebook, then back off and let me rant, or face the wrath of an exhausted and highly irritated SAHM!

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Saturday Afternoon

So instead of going out for a long walk/run on this amazingly beautiful Saturday afternoon...I find myself cooped up in the car waiting for Dustin to finish playing in the junk yard. Thankfully there is a great breeze coming in through the windows, and the kids have decided they are going to behave.

With that said...I am completely content. My man is in his dirty greasy car part element, my babies are cool and enjoying the peace and quiet of the country, and I am happily blogging while listening to the Gator vs. Tennessee game. Go Gators by the way!

It is days like this that I am so thankful for the amazing life I have been provided. I am even more thankful for a healthy and happy family. And, in reality,  who could ask for more?

How many people in the world are taking for granted this wonderful life we are each given today? How many people are stuck at work? How many are struggling with personal issues? Health issues? Money issues? Or just unhappy in general?

I used to worry if we were going to make it, being a young one income family. But now I don't. I know I have the adoration and unconditional love of an exceptional man and our children. And even though we are a one income family in a tough economy, we manage by keeping only the essentials. We are healthy and work hard to stay that way. Those are the only things that matter: family, love, life, health and happiness!

It is days like today where I could be out for a long walk/run but instead I am cooped up in the car waiting for my good hard working man to finish playing in the junk yard, and days where I thank God every day for this precious life he has provided me.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Eat. All. The . Food. Cramp. All. The. Day. the title is slightly dramatic.

And I am slightly hormonal.

But either way...any female that has had their period can sympathize with my drama. Or I like to think so at least.

This post is a pity party post and I apologize for it now. But I had to vent so i wouldn't consume everything in my kitchen.

I have cramps from an unholy place, cravings for salts and sweets that would tempt the devil himself, and a dwindling will power.

I. Am. Fighting.

And so far I am winning. But that doesn't help with my foul mood. Or the pimple on my chin. Or my deepening dark evilness that is oozing out. And I hate feeling crazy. I know I'm not the only one. But that day before your period. The one where a fly buzzing ten feet from you can send you off the deep end....yeah...that's where I am in my cycle.

Who knows?

Tomorrow is another day.

Maybe my psycho will compose herself by then.

And a couple miles and some self defense class will help too!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Ouchy! Those Darn DOMS!

I have been working out regularly, and by working out...I mean walking...while pushing 50-70 pounds worth of kids and stroller...not to mention the diaper bag...and whatever else they drag along. We usually walk a minimum of 1.5-5 miles every other day. But my weight is not coming off as fast as it did when I did weight training. And now that we are a one income family again, it just is not in the budget for a new gym membership, let alone the gallons of over priced gas it takes to get there!

That all said...Dustin has an Uncle that has a really...really nice in home gym. I have a really big green eyed monster in me right now. Anyways...I decided to call him up and see if he would mind if I came over a few days a week and used his weight equipment. Of course he said yes, and I went that evening. And the next day...




And I love every bit of it.

I forgot how horribly awesome DOMS or delayed onset muscle soreness could be. DOMS are a perfectly normal part of introducing a new fitness regime, especially weight training. When you lift weights you get tiny little micro-tears in the muscle. When the body repairs those tears, that is when your muscle becomes bigger and stronger. Those tiny tears along with inflammation of the muscle are the culprit for the pain you...or in this case I, am experiencing. As your body adapts to your workout, you will find that the pain lessens, that is until you up the weights again!

Now as great as the pain hurts.

I turned to my SweatPink sisters for advice to help ease the discomfort while my body adjusts. I could have easily turned to Google, but I knew these hard working ladies would have the answer from tried and true methods. And they had so many pieces of advice. The biggest and probably best piece of advice I got was to take an Epsom Salt bath. It helped relieve a lot of the ache. Their biggest remedy was to use a foam roller directly after each workout (I am going to invest in one), and to take an ice bath. I am terrified of the idea of an ice bath, but I am willing to try anything. Especially the day after a long walk and weight routine.

I have 2 kids to chase all day, and I can't take 10 minutes to stand or sit each time I need to. They just are not that patient. So come Friday...I will share my first encounter with the ICE BATH, as I have a 5 miler scheduled for Thursday!

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