Wednesday, January 7, 2015

My Eating Disorder

My battle with food is a battle I will fight for the rest of my life. I know this. I hate this. But I can win at this.

I traded one eating disorder for another it seems. I went from overeating and eating my feelings, to obsessing over calories. MyFitnessPal helped me to lose weight. But I realize just how much calorie counting has consumed my life. So I am deleting MFP. I refuse to fall victim to a life of calorie obsessing.  These questions have plagued me daily for several years now:

What my intake should be?
How much did I burn?
Does it fit my macros?
Should I eat back my burned calories?
What is the calories in this bite?
Will I have enough for a small dessert?
Will this blow my daily sugar/salt/fat?

It is an endless bombardment of obsession over calories! I am done!
I don't want food to run the rest of my life. I want to enjoy food without fear. But also respect my body to only give it what it needs, with the occasional treat on the side.

I have decided I am going to follow the food pyramid. Keep track of my servings not the calories. Make sure that I get my 2 cups of health dairy and my daily dose of healthy fats. Cut out as much refined sugar and starch as possible without completely denying myself anything.  Have a half a plate of veggies,  and  a quarter lean protein and a quarter starch. 
I have been at this for two days now. It's hard. I still flip every package over and look at the calorie content.  I know it will take time.

But I know this will be good for me.