Saturday, December 28, 2013

Return to Onederland...

I am ashamed and disgusted with myself.

I have lost the love I once had found for my body...and I don't know how or when. It been over the past nine weeks. And it saddens me. I worked so hard before Evan was born to not only lose weight, but to learn how to love myself, and I now find myself back at square one. I'm ashamed. But determined none the less. I will fix this. So instead of a New Years Resolution...I'm making a Decmeber 28, 2013 resolution.

Starting today I am going to make myself accountable for myself. I will start tracking my food, working out daily, and do what I need to do to be the best me for me...and my family. I won't make excuses for my gain. I am to blame. I haven't been eating well, counting calories, or exercising.

I have gained close to 10 pounds over the course of nine weeks. I am now 204.0 pounds.

I have 44 pounds to lose to make my goal weight. I want to reach my goal by the end of May. Not a totally unrealistic goal but I won't be discouraged should it take longer. My daily intake will be 1500 calories or less, not including exercise calories. I will workout daily. I am starting with Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred, I will complete all 3 phases. I will drink 8 (8oz) glasses of water everyday.

Today I tracked all my food and water. My calorie intake was 1407 and I met my water goal. I will do my workout after the kids go to bed, I should burn around 200-250 calories...so I can have a snack before bed.

Here's my food log:

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Here's My Excuse Maria!

So a while back there was a mother of three young boys that posted a picture of herself, a very fit self, and captioned "What's your excuse?" And it has stirred up a heck of a lot of dust.

I was watching Access Hollywood and they had her on there, this Maria, and another woman that owns a plus size lingerie boutique (she is plus size) and her name is Crystal. Crystal launched a campaign against Maria for plus size and real women to post pictures of themselves in lingerie to demonstrate what real, unphotoshopped women look like. And to help women embrace their beauty at any size. They were debating or discussing each others message. Crystal calling Maria a fat shamer and bully, and Maria repeatedly bringing up the obesity epidemic and essentially telling these women that shared their photos they are fat.

At first I didn't see anything wrong with the message Maria was originally trying to convey, but now that I've heard her speak on the issue....I have changed my mind. She is a bully. Plain and simple. Yes..she lost some weight (approximately 15 pounds) and I congratulate her...and has had 3 children one after the other...but she has never been extremely over weight or obese (which she pointedly reminded Crystal that she was). So she has no idea the work, both mental and physical that comes with losing massive amounts of weight and the after effects that comes with that loss either.

So who is she to tell other people they're making excuses? Is she the fat police? Did I miss that memo that gives her that right? That's my scales job, not hers.

If I could train multiple hours a day, had a nanny, and a lot more money...I'd be in much better shape too. But I don't. So Maria here is my excuse...

1) I eat healthy...when I have 5 minutes to do so and when my toddler doesn't  demand I share.
2) I love to run and love to hit the weights, but I love extra snuggles in the morning with my loves more.
3) I have Photoshop but my man tells me how beautiful I am...so I never use it. My camera is used to snap memories of my family.
4) I still have baby weight to lose...but my son is only 7 weeks old. I don't want to miss any milestones while cramming a 3 hour gym sesh.
5) I could go around being ashamed that I am a little over weight, and Lord knows there are plenty of people like you reminding me, but I love myself. I love the extra pudge on my belly and thighs I got from carrying my two biggest accomplishments. I love the stretch marks I earned from them as well. I'm okay with the fact that I can't afford a boob  job and my tits hang a little lower from feeding those precious beings. I can live with myself not having six pack abs...I've lived my whole life without them. I enjoy being pale, spray tans are too expensive. And if I can't afford that...I darn sure can't afford that personal training program you want me to buy. And if you don't like the way we look...then don't look at us.

Yes I agree with her, there is an obesity crisis and we do not need to accept its okay. But making people feel bad about themselves won't fix it either. Helping people love themselves will. We have to stop judging people by their size. I'm chunky, but I'm plenty active. Being overweight shouldn't be associated with laziness. Its not always the case. We have to stop labeling one another and instead encourage each other to be the best us.  We see enough pictures of perfectly fit photoshopped  models everyday on tv, in magazines, on bill boards...we don't need to be bombarded by these pictures with  a belittling message plastered on it as well.

Women come in all shapes and sizes...and its no ones business but their own if they want to change the way they look. Don't push your lifestyle on others.

So Maria, you can criticise me for making excuses and having a few extra pounds to lose until you're blue in the face but I love who I am, and I'm going to go enjoy a cookie with my kids.