MommyWeighLess

It has been almost 2 years since we held you last. The reality hit me like a truck this afternoon... I miss you just as much right now as I did 2 years ago. My body aches to feel you again. To see your smile. To kiss your fat face. They ache just as strongly now as they did 2 years ago. The pain hasn't lessened, the longing hasn't passed...and I still think it is not fair that I can't leave work and pick you up for a fun filled weekend. Time hasn't healed any of our wounds. They still seep with longing, pain, and emptiness. I can still envision the nightmare facing us at the end of the hallway at the hospital. Your tiny frame in a massive bed hooked to so many life saving devices. The incredible high of hearing your heart was beating; they'd revived you. Thinking there was a chance; only to be told that there wasn't. She had hurt you more than they could fix. That incredible low of knowing you wouldn't get to go home with us ever again. I can s

It's tax season again, and I sat down tonight and began working on my taxes. As I was working through the dependents questions, one hit me right in the heart. The question asks if you had a child die the year before. You don't give that question much thought if you have never been to a child's funeral. That question made me stop and think about how fortunate I am to select no. And how not all of us are quite so lucky. The guilt that ate as me, when I selected no, knowing that a year ago my sister had to select yes. It has been almost a year since Nora was arrested for the 1st Degree murder of my nephew John. If you know us, you know all too well what happened to our baby. If not, you can scan back through several of my other blogs and get a pretty good representation of the nightmare our family has been living in. Photo Courtesy - MichelleRusell.com It's hard to not think about Nora. I have a very vivid imagination, and when I see her face in mugshots I pictur