MommyWeighLess

I read a Huffington Post blog written by Heather Hucks  titled "Dear NICU Nurse"  and it brought me to tears. I sat on my front porch and cried for her, as I have cried so many times for myself these past few months. It wasn't tears of sadness though, it was tears of joy. Their baby made it, he fought and they fought...and he won! Tucker was a premature baby born at 24 weeks...and this mother shares an amazing bond with some of the most amazing people.  We share a similar bond, only we share it with PICU nurses. I have mentioned the PICU nurses a couple of times in previous blogs, but after reading this heart felt story about the NICU nurses, I knew I had to share our experiences with some of the strongest people we have ever met. Over the course of the two days that John was in the hospital we met so many doctors, nurses, and people that I could never name any one person specifically. I don't know their names, but I would know their faces in a crowded room, and t...

We all knew that the holidays were going to be rough this year. Our family is a little broken now that a major piece is missing, and we just can't get into the holiday spirit. Dustin and I are making an effort at home because our babies aren't going to suffer our sadness. We've hung our outdoor Christmas lights, and we plan on getting a tree this weekend. We always go to Kandy Kane Christmas Treeland in Anthony, Fl . It has become another tradition for our family.  John's face in this picture! Kandy Kane really is a charming and sweet experience to share with your family. It is a family owned and operated business. We know the owner's personally which makes the experience all the more richer for us. The farm is actually located a football fields length across from the spot where John is buried. Anthony is a small town, but it is our home. And it really is where our hearts are now. Photo courtesy of Kandy Kane. When you make your way onto Kandy Kane th...

The day John was born...so handsome. I did not know that it was possible for my heart to break again. It has been broken so many times these past couple of months. I share these intimate moments because writing is therapeutic to me, and because I want everyone to understand our grief. To feel like they can share their story in a world where we are all too often told to hold it in for fear of making someone uncomfortable. When Angela shares in her grief, be it social media or text, it breaks my heart all over again. We will never know the depth of her pain. No words she writes will ever truly convey her despair, and it truly hurts my heart. "Enough with the camera lady!" We are there for her, but it's not enough. It's not him. We will never know just how much she aches for him. And that's devastating. We can't help her, all we can do is be there when it hurts the hardest. When she physically needs us to help hold her together. But we can't give h...

I stopped to see a little spot of dirt today, And it was only for a minute. I cried and said I was sorry, For not protecting you that day. It's a tiny little patch. Freshly dug; no stone to mark its place. Sometimes I can't find any comfort there, Other times, I remember your sweet face. There is no solace to be found, At this little patch of dirt, For our hearts are broke, And lay beside you in the ground. -Aunt Wizza I miss him so much. I really do. Every now and then Angela will send me a message, or a picture of John, and I remember again that while my heartache is great, hers is so much greater. She will celebrate her birthday tomorrow, without him. And she is feeling it. We all do. The holidays and special events...well...our hearts just aren't in it this year. We are trying, we have to for our babies, but it is hard to find happy in such a dark time. I did stop to see John the other day. For a brief moment. I don't stay too long, it's s...

Yesterday marked the 2 month anniversary since John passed away. That is eight weeks since we held him last...            ... 60 days since we saw him last...               ... 1,464 hours since we had our last kiss...                  ... 87,840 minutes since we held you close...                     ... 5,270,400 seconds of complete and utter heart break. It feels like an eternity. It is all still so unreal. I spent the day with Angela yesterday, just she and I. It was a really nice day considering where we have landed in life. We had a wonderful lunch together, did a ton of laundry, and just enjoyed each other's company. Angela lives with our parents, and they decided to go on a day trip, leaving her home alone yesterday. She is fine to be alone, but no one realized that it was the 2 month anniversary. It...