Tuesday, July 28, 2015

5 Things That Changed When I Had My Son

We wanted a boy. Every couple wants a boy. And if they say they don't...I call total bull.

Yes, everyone wants healthy and happy...but deep down when asked, "Do you want a boy or girl?"
                                                                     ...most think boy.

It is encoded in our DNA to want a son so that there is someone to carry the "family" name. It is only natural. It is only human.

Originally I did not want  a second child. I love my little Scarlett Rose more than life itself, and felt that she was more than enough, and she would have been with or without Evan. But we decided that she needed a sibling...a friend...and ally...someone other than Mom and Dad.

We decided to try for a boy. And we succeeded thankfully...because whether it had been a boy or girl...this would be our last child. We were responsible enough to know that we could not afford more than two kids, and that it would be difficult for us to devote enough time and attention to more than two kids as well. 

I signed the paper work for sterilization before Evan was born.

I am not in any way saying that people that have more than two, cannot give their children what they need as far as materialistic needs and emotional needs...we just knew that we couldn't.

When we found out we were having a boy...I suddenly realized that I knew absolutely nothing about them. I grew up with two sisters. Most of the children in my family were girls...so boys...totally foreign breed.

And now that I am mother to a boy...I can say that with the utmost confidence. So here are 5 things that have changed since I had my son:

I changed how I treat my husband.
Dustin is a good man...and an even better father. He treats me with respect and love, and really is the doting father. He has always been really patient with the kids, even when I have lost my cool. He is a great example for Scarlett on how women deserve to be treated. I realized that I needed to be the perfect example for Evan on how men should be treated. I needed him to see that men deserve just as much respect and adoration, as I receive from his father. That a man should be loved as he is, spoken to respectfully, and treated with decency. Now days women can be cruel and just as abusive as any man, and he needs to know that it is not acceptable. So I make a point to be more patient, more understanding, and more affectionate with Dustin.

We all know that children inevitably search for partners that have qualities similar to the mother/father...so I want him to find a good partner. I have to set the bar...lead by example. 

I changed my tolerance for the down right disgusting.
Boys are gross. Evan does things that I never thought I would see a child do. He has eaten dirt. He loves to dip his hair in mud. He will eat anything that looks remotely edible whether it is on the plate or floor. He will bring me bugs. He will eat and drink out of the bowl with the dogs. He will pick up doggy poo and throw it. He will lick snot off of his upper lip before I can catch it with a tissue. He will lick my toes given the opportunity. He farts and giggles. Just. So. Gross. I could sit here all day and list all of the horribly gross boy things he does.

I don't find myself being as surprised when he does these things now...but every now and then he will catch me off guard and cause my yucky meter to spike!

I changed the way I talk about men.
We all do it ladies. Trash talk men. You know exactly what I am talking about. Whether it is intentional or not, we are all guilty of saying inappropriate things about men, as well as grouping them into one category like they are all programmed the same. We all crack jokes that men are dogs, can only think with one "head" at a time, or some women just have very disgruntled opinions of men based on bad experiences. I know I have done it. Still do sometimes. But I make more of an effort to watch how I stereotype men, so that Evan does not think that this is the acceptable way of male behavior. Boys also need to see that they deserve just as much respect as ladies do. So next time you think about accusing a man of being a "man"...remember that not all men are the same.

Don't hold your son accountable for the mistakes of other men. And remember that there are good men out there. Make him one.

I changed the way I see myself.
I am a woman. Women nit pick everything about themselves. We are never happy with our looks, our weight, our relationships...we just find all the bad in ourselves. It is sad. And I realized all of this when Evan came along. I love who I am and I respect myself...but I never treated myself the way I deserved...so how could I expect others to do the same??? That stopped once I realized that my son saw me as perfect. To him I am superwoman. I come to the rescue when he needs me to. I fix boo-boos. I make food (especially important to Evan). I run baths. I make mud puddles. I eat his mud pies. I laugh at all of his silliness. I discipline when needed, even if he doesn't agree. I love him unconditionally and he knows that he and Scarlett are the apples of my eye!

He doesn't see the extra pounds around my mid section. He doesn't see the bags under my eyes. He doesn't see the haircut I am in desperate need of. He just sees Mommy. The amazing and beautiful woman that will always be there for him. I see her too. It just took seeing it through his eyes first.

There will always be changes.
It is that simple. Being mom to a girl is a totally different ball park than being mom to a boy. I was a girl once. Been there done that and wrote the book. I will know how to help Scarlett get through life and face most of the challenges of being a girl. Evan...I have no idea. I have never been a boy and will never even attempt to understand how different it is. But I will always change how I see things, how I do things, how I say things...so that I can help him to be a good man.

I am willing to reconsider all I think I know about raising a boy, so I can get most of it right. Maybe not right...but good enough. 

I want nothing but the best for both of my children.

I will do the best  I can or die trying.

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