Sunday, October 7, 2012

Noticeable Progress

Okay, so before I get into this topic I will start by saying this:

  I have fat girl complex!

Those of us striving to get healthier as well as shed those dreaded extra pounds, are our worst critics, enemies, judges, and allies. We are the first ones to tear ourselves down and the first to put us back together. It makes no sense why we are so hard on ourselves but it is also the driving factor in this battle. If you can't take all the harsh criticisms you make of yourself, and channel them into something positive you will have a difficult time getting through this.

That all said I will share some of my insecurities with you, the demons I battle most when it has come to and is still part of this journey. I have lost 40 pounds but when I look in the mirror I don't notice. I know I have lost it because I see it on the scale, in my measurements, and how loose my clothes are. But I use the most annoyingly critical eye when I look at myself naked. I see a baby belly that refuses to leave(plus stretch marks), upper arms that still don't look toned, and a butt that remains too wide. However when I look at pictures all I can do is stare in awe because then, and only then usually, do I see the remarkable difference. It really makes me kick myself in the butt for not taking before pictures. Take before pictures!

One of my other insecurities, and one that drives Dustin insane I'm sure, is how difficult it is for me to accept a compliment without making sarcastic comments. As I  have grown during this journey this is something I do less, but catch myself doing from time to time. When you go from fat and unnoticed, by everyone but your man, it takes a toll on your self esteem. Then to go to receiving compliments and come ons, it is surreal. I take them better as reach day progresses though.

The biggest issue I face every day is trying to see myself as I am now, not how I was nine months ago. I buy too big of clothes because it hasn't sank in I am smaller now, I feel like people judge me even though I know they don't, but in a crazy way I had a renewed sense of self confidence. I run with my head up, I am more comfortable in food related  situation(I used to think people thought I was being a pig), and most importantly I get noticed.

The take away from this is even though we don't see the changes that are happening be it physical or mental,  they are happening. Our bodies are blooming and out spirits are soaring. So tomorrow tell yourself you are beautiful because I know you are!


  1. I think it is something that resolves itself with time, at least I hope so. But I think you are stunning!